Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
