Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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