oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
