Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
