He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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