God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize