I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
