Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
