i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
