i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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