It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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