Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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