Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
