I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My liver is preforming stress tests.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
