Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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