I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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