That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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