I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
