oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
