Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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