I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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