Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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