And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
