They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
