Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize