Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
