if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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