It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
