Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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