I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
