Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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