Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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