SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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