I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
