just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
