She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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