haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Randomize
