Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
