I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
