apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
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So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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