non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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