I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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