im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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