..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
