Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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