lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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