I hate your face
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
