tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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