She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
