i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
40s are totally the cure
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
