i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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