Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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