I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
