bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
