do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we're making bets on your personal life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
